The Bubbha’s Frontporch

So Obama pronounces the state of Massachusetts as “Massatusetts.” I missed the debate the other day, but apparently he said it twice. So a slip of the tongue wasn’t the reason. The reason it struck me was this popular mispronunciation has been a running joke between my wife and myself since Christmas. A family member is totally incapable of pronouncing it any other way. At a certain point in a person’s life the cement dries and it takes explosives to chip away at it. So I just gave up trying to correct him. I saw a clip of Jessica Simpson attempting it, but it came out as “Massa-two-shits.” Its strange how dumb people can create things on accident like that. I’m guilty of these serendipities too, but I’m smart enough to at least pretend like it was on purpose. But it was disturbing to hear Obama say it that way.

Of course, McCain pronounces the present day capital as “Warshington.” Which is strange, because that’s kind of a Southern thing. I’m pretty sure McCain’s not a Southerner. I’m from the south and like I told a friend today, “I can recognize one of my own.” I was listening to Todd Snyder at the time, but the same goes for McCain. Last presidential campaign John Kerry, like any New Englander, would say “idear.” “I have an idear.” “What’s the big idear.” “I have something in my eye, dear.” Where the hell are all these extra R’s coming from? I distinctly remember saying that America would never elect someone that pronounced idea that way. Too bad I was proven right. Not because I’m a Kerry fan, but the alternative was…I mean.

And speaking of that guy, I’m not about to attempt to go into ALL of the crazy misunderpronunciations that have come out of that man’s mouth. I’m going to defend him on the whole Missouree vs. Missourah issue, though. This might come as a surprise to some of you, Missourah is a legitimate way of pronouncing the Show Me State. So the point is I suppose I shouldn’t make a big deal out of it. I mean the governor of California can’t even correctly pronounce the state he governs.

C: Welcome everyone. Tonight’s guest is the Scandinavian God of the sky and thunder. He’s the son of Odin and the defender of humanity against the evil giants. THOR!

Applause

Welcome to the show, Thor. How’s life treating you?

T: (In a thick German accent) I tell ya traveling to the States isn’t what it used to be since the FAA rules have been put into place. It used to be just a matter of hitching up the goats to the chariot and off I went. Apparently the flying goats don’t meet regulations so I’ve had to ground the chariot for now.

C: And the goats?

T: I ate them.

C: I see.

T. Nowadays, I travel commercial…first class. It’s nice to yell at the attendants for more mead. But, they don’t serve in it a horn, not even on international flights. By the time I land I’m usually pretty hammered. Ha, Ha I make a little joke there.

Silence

C. Yeah…so how’s the comic book coming along?

T. Fairly steady. Its always been the bread and butter for me. We’ve had a long run. Some people say the storyline is getting a little stale, so I kill them.

C. Now you’ve had the comic for quite sometime, why no movie deal? It seems like a natural transition to a movie script. Especially after Spiderman, the Hulk, Ironman, the list goes on and on.

Thor’s eyes begin to smolder with an eerie reddish glow.

T. No deal as of yet. “Our people will be in touch with your people.” (Thor stands up) Love ME babe!? I’ll show you, not feasible at time!!! (Thor pulls out his hammer and begins swinging it wildly. Lightning bolts explode from the glowing instrument of destruction.)

C. We’ll be back next week! Go to commercial, for Christ’s sake!

The entire set is trashed by the drunken Norse god. The screen goes black

Just in case you somehow missed this, I thought I’d at least throw it up here. Didn’t really feel like posting anything tonight, so this is just a quick little something. I usually watch a little Nightline and then Kimmel before I drift off into dreamland. My real intentions here are to see if I can post a video or not. I haven’t tried it yet, but don’t think I’ll have a problem. This epic video premiered last night after the Oscars. I laughed my ass off. This video is in response to Sarah Silverman’s video, “I’m fucking Matt Damon.” I’m laughing at myself here, pretending to be relevant and cutting-edge. OK, let’s see if this works.

Well, I can get the video up, but it reformats my entire page. So I guess I need to spend more time on this.

Hell yeah!!!!

Going to play armchair physicist tonight. Some cool things to think about. The birth of Universe. Visualize that for a second. I’m sure the vast majority of you think about it as blackness and then a sudden explosion filling that blackness with expanding light. But let me float this idea out there. Before the Big Bang there literally was NO space. No fabric of the universe, NO matter, NO dark energy, NO dark matter, NO-thing. If you will…no place to put the camera. There isn’t a vantage point to observe this event. All points in space and all matter that will EVER occur are occurring at this singularity the size of a pin prick on a flea’s prick. Thus when the primordial universe finally bangs, it’s space itself that expands. Stretching out in all directions. I used to think about it like matter was flying out from this place…the center of the universe. But that’s not the case. It’s the center of the universe that’s stretching in all directions. So literally every point in space is the center of the universe. The place of the Big Bang.

Now this part is a bit harder to understand and to conceptualize. But, if you keep traveling in one direction you’ll never reach the edge of the universe. The universe has no “edge.” Supposedly it’s shaped something like an ice cream cone…minus the ice cream. The universe is curved, but it is also existence. You can’t somewhere or somehow jump off of the ride to see where there is universe and where there isn’t universe. There is just Universe. NO-thing else. Which brings me to the conclusion of this post. The universe’s nature is such that it’s center is everywhere and it’s circumference is nowhere.

This post was inspired from reading a short post on a friend’s myspace blog.

Also sorry about all the CAPS in this post. But I was trying to stress the absoluteness of what I was saying, so I thought it was appropriate.

Half mast or half staff? It was this quandary that dominated my thought processes during tonight’s quest for stamps. Yes, I know why should one need stamps in this day and age, especially one who seems to have his finger on the pulse of technology? Well, first off if you really think that about me then you have no idea who I am. Secondly, I thoroughly enjoy mailing via the U.S. Postal Service. I enjoy writing out the address on the envelop, sealing it, buying the stamps, and driving around town looking for blue R2D2 shaped mailboxes in random places. It gives me an excuse to get out of the house and explore. I think there’s something primal in me that responds to this.

But on this night it was the question posed at the beginning of this post that weighed heavily upon me. Is there ever full-staff or total-mast? There’s a Flagstaff. (Actually there are several Flagstaffs. The one in Arizona is named after a flagpole that a city grew around. Apparently much like a seed, one need only to plant a flagpole) Which brings up a thought. It seems like it’s called a flagpole when the flag is gone or at the top. NEVER…EVER…say half-flagpole.

I’m purposefully not looking up the answer, because honestly this isn’t the first time I’ve thought about this. I’m sure I looked it up on the internet and thought, “Oh.” But it doesn’t seem to stick. So I’m going to come up with a rational based theory and much like anything that you work out yourself it will probably stick with me. My mind is getting soft due to the reliance I have on Google and Wikipedia….oh yeah and internet porn.

Half-mast refers to the mast of a ship. Oftentimes there’s a flag flying up there somewhere depending on the mood of the country. The country has been crabby here lately. I know it’s strange to refer to the country like it’s a person, but if you must, then think of the country as Andy Rooney. I’d like to get back to somewhere around Kelly Pickler. Half-staff refers to a staff or a stake that’s been stuck in the ground. Ergo, half-mast is over water and half-staff is over land. If you care at all you’ll look this up. If you don’t, then I hope you were entertained reading this post. Good night.

Other items on my mind tonight: Full lunar eclipse & Navy waving it’s dick around to the rest of the world by swatting a satellite with it.

Damn. OK, I just wrote a huge post and then deleted it. Here’s a taste of it though: “I was able to involuntarily extricate myself from the situation due to my sans cranial insulation device condition.” It’s subject matter I want to avoid. It wasn’t about politics which is something else I wanted to avoid. It’s really hard to avoid politics though. Being something I pay particularly close attention too. It’s a genetic defect that was passed on from my father. It’s a mutation that doesn’t kill you till you’re in your 50’s, so you’re able to reproduce and thus pass the gene on to your decedents. Maybe it’ll end with me. My wife doesn’t have a lick of this affliction. But from observing the phenotype behavior, I would guess that it is a dominant gene.

An outbreak of the disease, unlike herpes, is on a pretty regular schedule. Once a week the light shines just a little bit brighter through my bedroom window. Sunday morning, Oh my precious Sunday morning, instead of sleeping in, I get up early in time to watch Tim Russert, Bob Scheffer, Chris Matthews, and George Stephan… Stephan-ah… Stephan-apolishrpuffnstuff. I’m a junky. Good thing I don’t have cable. It’s the only thing that keeps my addiction in check. And during football season..forget about it. I don’t even bother getting dressed.

Have you ever been watching a movie, enjoying yourself, and then notice something that bumps you for a moment. Something that for the sake of time or moving the story forward the director found it necessary to employ cinematic gloss overs. It only took a few minutes of deep thought on my part to come up with a few of these. A few of them I already had loaded in the chamber, but I decided to write this post after watching my most beloved “Lost” and seeing one of these tricks of the trade. They happen so fast or are such cliches that we, as movie consumers, don’t even notice anymore….unless you’re paying attention.

The instance of Lost in question was the scene where they are introducing the 5 rescuers, and the female paleontologist is in the desert at a dig site. She is confronted by a local official, who she then bribes. The bribe is instantaneous, he confronts her and she pulls out a large wad of cash from her front pocket and gives him the whole thing. Was that all her money? Didn’t she need to count some and save a bit for lunch?! Obviously, this was her bribe stash. So, I decided to write down a few more of these that I think are pretty funny.

How about the guys who are digging in the dirt with some shovels trying to find a lost artifact. One of them suddenly hits something and looks with surprise at his buddy. He taps the buried object a couple more times, smiles like a lunatic, and kneels down and dusts the millimeter of dirt remaining on top. Yeah, you were shoveling away and never hit the thing till all the dirt is shoveled off?

There’s never friendly-fire in war movies. Peons thugs get knocked out by a punch to the face. People never say “goodbye” or “see ya” when they get off the phone, they just hang up. No one ever, when they are on a journey, has to stop to take a dump. Did Gimli just poop in his dwarf pants? This one drive me crazy: the infinite Zoom-in for pictures. Think CSI where they ask, “Can you enhance that?” and then they keep Zooming-in till they ID the killer from the reflection in the eye of the victim from a crappy security cam video. I think Suburbia pulled something like that. Of course, I’d be remiss not to mention the all too familiar Wardrobe Montage. An entire day of shopping is whiddled down to 3 crappy outfits, 1 cool one, a few frowns from the best friend, a 3-way mirror, and maybe even a dog that groans and puts its paw over its face. Oh yeah, Walking on Sunshine has to be playing.

OK, one more. The guy on the run…he’s a fugitive from the law. Accused of a crime he didn’t commit. He’s finally able to get a little bit of rest in a dingy motel room. What’s he do…turns on the TV. No need to channel surf, the News is always on. And it’s always the beginning of a report of the fugitive on the run. As soon as the report is over he turns the TV off. IF he leaves it on, the next report will provide information that will help the man on the run catch the real killer.

Damn, if life were just that simple.

Let me preface this post by saying: I’m actually second guessing what to say out of fear of this organization. Then I remember that no one reads this blog, so then that takes care of that. By the way a simple, “hell yeah” would be nice or even a “saaaay what?” I don’t have a traffic tracker, so I don’t know if this crap is reaching anyone or not. OK back to the subject.

So today there was an international protest of all the churches of Scientology. From what I can tell most of the protesters were wearing masks. The protests in Champaign, IL were modest…7 or 8 people were there and I might or might not have been one of them. Everyone here wore black bandannas over their faces. Looks like in other cities the black hoodie was the disguise of choice. Apparently, ninjas don’t want to be Clear and rid their bodies of engrams. L.A. in always cool fashion, had a lot of “V for Vendetta” mask wearers.

These protests were organized by a group of hackers called “Anonymous”, who have declared war on Scientology. You can read the article that I linked, but basically they are pissed at the ruthless suppression of information by the organization that casts any bad light upon the enigmatic religious group. (*cough cult) This obviously isn’t the only thing that Scientology has a bad reputation for, but we’d be here all night if I started going through it all. I’m not sure if Anonymous has a website or not. I tried looking into it, but the most likely candidate had so much traffic I couldn’t connect to it. Either way this group is totally cool, modern day superheros.

Not sure how to put this, but some days I feel like there are greater things at work all around us. As an agnostic, I’m not saying its God, but it could be…it could also be beams in reality that cross each other at certain times…(gotta repeat my mantra) I don’t know. At any rate, I find it interesting that a co-worker sent me a weird Scientology pamphlet (as a joke), Tom Cruise’s wacky video hits youtube, this protest today, and Cher announced her return to the stage all in this week. Cher isn’t in Scientology, but she dated Cruise in the 80’s.

I watched the Cruise video…it wasn’t all that bad. He just sounded like the typical religious fanatic. Nothing too crazy, relatively speaking. He kept saying stuff along the lines of, “we help people like no one else can.” This might be referring to the psychic healing powers that you obtain at certain higher levels. You can only attain these levels by paying for the lessons to learn the knowledge at that level. The higher the level the more expensive it is. Tom Cruise is one level away from the highest, which is 8. The final secret of Scientology is revealed to the adherent at the highest level. My guess to what the final secret is…..a picture of the naked ass of L. Ron Hubbard with a tattoo that says: SUCKER!

Weird bio of L. Ron Hubbard. I’ll let you see for yourself.

One should always pinch one’s self, shouldn’t one? One can go up to two, but only for the nipples. Nipples should alway be pinched simultaneously. (They get jealous) OK…but yes! AWAKE! ARISE! WAIT!

Read this first…

Don’t forget everyday that you are alive on this planet. Today is the only today that you will ever have. And tomorrow is a false hope. Annie was blowing smoke up all our asses. It’s not “only a day away”, it’s always a day away. But you’re right, I should ease up…she’s an orphan. And I know all this is a cliche, but consider this a memo. Be here now. Live in the moment. Today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present. Life is what happens while you’re planning for it. You get the idea.

Now back to the pinching business. Just a reminder that “Hey, I’m alive!” It takes an active, alert, and aware mind to truly live in the moment. Its tough for everyone. Even monks sometimes will have someone thwack them with a belt in the middle of meditation to bring their mind back to the ground level. There is no denying or forgetting the stinging your body feels…that’s real. When I was more focused, I would put a small pebble in my shoe. When I walked I felt that pebble when I stepped which I used as a reminder…be here. This is real. It is, in fact, the only real thing.

Know that you walk on the Earth under your feet. The Earth pushes back!

Strangeness. Listening to the radio this morning, this gem popped up. Some of you might remember the song by Styx, “Mr. Roboto.” And even fewer of you might remember at the end of that song that it repeats the word: “Kilroy” several times. Now when I was a kid I remember my father, who is a huge WWII fan (whatever that is), told me the story about what that word means.

“Kilroy” refers to “Kilroy was here” a phrase that American soldiers would write on stuff as a way to say to other Americans that the area was friendly or as a joke sometimes. It usually accompanied a familiar cartoon of a character named, “Chad.” The origins of these two things are separate…so forget Chad. But as I thought about this saying “Kilroy was here” I decided to try and find out where the hell this came from and what it means. Here’s the wiki entry for it.

One theory identifies James J. Kilroy, an American shipyard inspector, as the man behind the signature. During World War II he worked at the Fore River Shipyard in Quincy, Massachusetts, where he claimed to have used the phrase to mark rivets he had checked. Thousands of servicemen may have potentially seen his slogan on the outgoing ships and Kilroy’s omnipresence and inscrutability sparked the legend. Afterwards, servicemen could have begun placing the slogan on different places and especially in new captured areas or landings. At some later point, the graffiti (Chad) and slogan (Kilroy was here) must have merged.

Sorry about the long quote…but that’s what I read. BTW you should definitely check out the entry for Styx’s rock opera album about robots taking over the world and the end of Rock and Roll. OK end of this part of the story.

Later on today a seemingly unrelated search on my part yielded some interesting things. Over the weekend I decided to teach myself Irish Gaelic. In my search to find some text in Gaelic to hone my skills, I found a link about the ancient writing used by the Celts that predated the Latin alphabet. It was a primitive writing system called Ogham. And as I was searching through websites discussing Ogham, I found out that most of the evidence for this writing is found on stone monoliths all across the Irish countryside. One website said that most of the inscriptions on these stones say: “Kilroy, son of here” I read this and started laughing.

This happened at lunch so I didn’t have much time to investigate and corroborate. So I spent the afternoon at work marveling at the synchroniscity. I should have stopped there and remained in that state of wonder… but this goes against my nature. This was the only website that said anything close to this. In fact, I doubt if the name Kilroy, even existed that far back. My conclusion is that this particular website for whatever reason was referring to “{insert Irish surname here}, son of here” And used Kilroy as a kind of nod to to the most famous example of “somebody was here.” Nevertheless, I learned alot today and that’s always good, I still count it as a cool synchroniscity.

None the worse for wear.